Self-styled crassness and Memebai Police

    For past few months now, I have surprised myself. Not only have I managed to give up one of the very few great habits, the crassness and smooth slide into lethargy have been impressive & consistent. They say a well-rounded gut is a sign of a happy man. My happiness seems to be growing in leaps and bounds of late. You know you have come of age in life when little kids on the street ask you the time by deliberately calling you "Uncle". 

And I go on to tell them the wrong time, because sadistic pleasures are rare.

Much like the great Einstein, I realised recently that happiness is all about relativity. Theorizing my genius below:

                    Happiness   =    Age    x                1               
                                              BMI           (no. of relatives)²                       

Here:      

     Age = (Your actual age) - (16 years when you believed that blindness is a consequence)

     BMI = Body Mass Index i.e. the number which gives you a false sense of accomplishment

    To each their own. I hope to get back into an active lifestyle soon. You may be safe to assume that this post is a positive step in that direction. Why else would I be typing my hands out when I could be loitering guiltily on YouTube? Add a late-night binge spree on top of that and we have a recipe for Bollywood-styled depression. And why not, considering our beloved SSR was deemed "depressed" by the B-town elites!

    Speaking of SSR, I believe all of us have been on a roller-coaster ride of nepotism, depression, live-in relationships, family relations, bed-to-ceiling height, Memebai Police, Baby Penguins, financial wrongdoing, drug peddlers and what-not. This one case seems to have united us like never before. A special mention here for the great Memebai police, who has proven without a shadow of doubt that justice is your birthright as long as you are not in the crosshairs of a certain Penguin clan. 

    And this is the same police force which had nabbed Kasab alive, cracked the Sheena Bora case, solved the Iqbal Mirchi racket years after his death, and had compelled Dawood Bha & Tiger Memon to flee. 

I am guessing that they decided to take a break in the SSR case. Everyone deserves a break when they have been guarding a city that never sleeps. Some of their benevolence is worth sharing:

1. They gave up complete control of the crime site to the next of kin, which is only fair considering that Memebai Police knows the value of family better than most. Poor chaps hardly get any family time due to professional commitments and Bollywood parties.

2. They had outsourced the crime scene investigation to Republic Bharat.

Arnab Da, you gotta thank them for the massive TRPs they graciously gave up for you. And while you do that, could you reduce the number of pauses you take while on air? I mean, it seems scripted. Haters say that you are incapabale of speaking without a teleprompter. Prove them wrong and shout out without a script next time, perhaps. Learn from Kangana, earn in your angana and shout at vidambana. 

3. They had realised the love which Bebu had for SSR. No wonder they allowed her to hold his lifeless hands while the Cooper Hospital chefs were cooking. Haters will say it was a botched post-mortem, but you gotta trust the Memebai Police on this! They have had a lot on their plate already with the Disha Salian case files after all. By the way, some of my so-called buddies recovered a whole lot of deleted "files" from my hard drive back in 2011. I also have a lot of experience in installing/formatting Windows 7, courtesy Dell Studio 15... FYI.  

4. They protected SSR's privacy by carefully procuring all of his five personal diaries. Now, we all know what sorts of details could be found in a guy's diary. The Memebai Police actually did a great public service by ripping off the sensitive pages altogether. You see, no good could have come from reading up what sort of "birdies" are spotted on Bandra West main road. 

Wait a second... Wasn't SSR living-in with Bebu already? So what, boys will be boys! And mechanical engineers are a notch above, I can tell you that. 

And we certainly do not need to know what an intelligent, successful, multi-talented and wealthy guy writes in his personal diary. Before you jump to any wild/vulgar conjectures here, Memebai Police was probably protecting the dignity of SSR's past love interests. Shameless, all of you!

5. They vehemently opposed CBI intervention and diligently kept Bihar Police out of the investigation. Well, they tried their best at least. And why shouldn't they? Self-respect is paramount. Haters will say it's collusion to protect the Penguins. But I know better. They were just taking inspiration from Sachin on his impeccable home-ground performances. Haters will say that Sachin played much better on foregin soil. 

Anyways, I am a big fan of Memebai Police now. Their sheer genius and investigative acumen coupled with sanskari cognizance deserve respect. Kudos!