A mess..

A-mess, or as some people tauntingly call it, Gay-mess, is a temple for the starved. First of all, the dirty name might be because of the fact that one can always spot guys sitting suspiciously close to each other while dining there. M here to clarify a few things about A-mess:
1. A-mess has far better quality of food than the other mess, which stinks like anything!
2. A-mess owner neednt wear wannabe disfigured clothes at any point of the day or night. He is completely satisfied with his white shirt and grey pants.
3. A-mess gives preference to guys over girls, a phenomena that is never witnessed elsewhere, least of all, the other mess whick stinks like anything!
4. Firsties think of a-mess as some kind of novelty. They sit outside on the ledge because they are too shy/dumb/wannabe to sit on chairs like normal people.
5. A-mess does have the best chics of this college, no matter what the numbers say. In the long run, its the quality that matters!
6. An abundance of (male)workers means that you get continuous supply of food, even if you are half an hour past the closure time.
7. Even if you dont belong to a-mess, you can just puff your chest, rush in with an air of self-importance and grab a plate without scanning ur ID. I ate for a whole month like this. They always fall for that!
8. If the queue is too long, you neednt stand in it. You can easily spot a friend(male!) in the line, scoot upto him and leave the rest of dunder-heads behind.
9. If you go for lunch after 2pm, you can hog as much dessert as you want. They are too busy fighting over the main course to notice your felony!
10. If you are a prof/asst prof/PhD/double graduate/hated by all/kicked out by wife/miserly about eating out/hate Shahi Darbar kind of person, A-mess welcomes you with warmth. Just bring in a 5-storeyed tiffin and pile up as much food as it can hold. Also, you can bring a plastic bag along if you want to take back to your hungry family.
11. One neednt adhere to table etiquettes while binging here. Lack of females has given us guys freedom to eat our hearts out without having to be self-conscious or worry about the gentle drip of daal in our lap!
In the end, its the owner who has the last laugh. Guys respect him, girls adore him, profs fool him and yet, he's smiling with satisfaction of having fed them all. RESPECT /\